Blog Hopping with the OBS ladies again. This is Week Two of my study entitled "Am I Messing Up My Kids? by Lysa TerKeurst. I am loving this study and it couldn't be more timely with the activities this summer.
I have been married to Curtis for 18 years (celebrating on July 27th actually). We have two really great kids. Amanda Grace is 16 and Daniel will be 12 in twenty-one days (he informed me of this fact yesterday).
I also borrow a little guy from Monday to Friday, from 8:15 am until 4 pm. His name is Robert and he will be 2 years old next Wednesday. He is totally and completely awesome. I can hand him the Bible and ask him "What does it say?" He responds "God so loved the world." I say "and..." Robert adds "He gave His one and only Son!" I just love him like he was my own!
Amanda and Daniel both know Jesus as their Savior. And I am confident that Robert will soon as well.
That's a "good mom" moment.
Getting an email from the soccer manager yesterday asking me about payment that was due on the 15th and medical forms that haven't been turned in yet...well that's a "bad mom" moment.
I sigh and thank God for ladies like Lysa who write books about me. I am thankful for on-line studies and blogs that are filled with more ladies like me. Ladies who love their kids like mad but who struggle with the every day details and wonder, Am I messing up my kids?
Then there is that tug at my heart that says, "I love you when you get it right. I love you when you get it wrong. I just love you."
Thank you, Jesus!
I started this post before the children woke. I had worked out and then finished reading Chapter 7. I was feeling accomplished. When I don't start my day with the LORD, I feel guilty. I don't know why because the guilt isn't coming from the Jesus. I remember the words from a dear friend:
I think the daily battle is to die to self or what I think should be instead of being a good soldier who needs to obey the orders given.
The morning didn't go well. I ended up scolding two of the three children in my care. I was frustrated and angry for the disobedience and put the baby down for a nap feeling like a complete failure as a mom and nanny.
I will read Chapter 8, I thought. Well two sentences in to Lysa's story about Christmas decorations I find myself nodding off. Waking at 4:20 to work out with my husband is rough. But not getting to bed until 10:30 pm is what is really doing me in. I am empty. Running on fumes. I can't function on 6 hours of sleep, I thought! I will just shut my eyes for 20 minutes.
NINETY MINUTES LATER I wake up. Little man is a champion napper so he is still sleeping. And I have wasted Nap/Quiet time sleeping instead of being with Jesus. More guilt!
I decide to not listen to the lies that the enemy is telling me. I still have time. Robert is a slow waker-upper.
Chapter 8 spoke to me:
I need to make the choice to be a child of God, day by day, reaction by reaction, moment by moment. I need to consider the reality of the situation I'm in without letting misguided emotions cloud my outlook.
When I feel those old insecure emotions start to creep back into my heart, I need to immediately give them to Jesus and ask Him to remove them and replace them with His Truth.
HE IS MY PORTION. HE WILL FILL ME UP WHEN I AM EMPTY.
And when I feel like a failure as a mom and nanny:
My Heavenly Father whispers to me, "I love you. I love how I made you. I notice all you do and I am pleased."
Robert woke by 3:30. He sat in the high chair with a snack as I read the verses that Lysa mentions in Chapter 8. "Abba Father. I am adopted", I tell Robert. I ask him what it says right here, pointing to any line on any page. Robert says, "God so loved the world".
Yeah, I respond. And Jesus loves me. This I know. For the Bible tells me so.