Friday, April 6, 2012

My Journal

Do you journal? You should. It's not too late to start. It is amazing to go back and read what I had written in September. Where has God taken me? What has God brought me through? How faithful is He? How disobedient am I?

I thought I would share a little (or a lot) of what has been going on in just the last six months.

In September, I started a study with Priscilla Shirer called JONAH. It was more than a kiddie story about a big fish. It was the Truth about a BIG GOD who used a little man and fish to bring a nation to repentance and salvation.

Soo what does that have to do with ME? I was Jonah!

Journal Sept. 23, 2011

I haven’t been journaling. I just don’t FEEL like it. Today I think: I realized that my job is now “Life Interrupted” every day. I use to be able to count on my position and the fact that I was Carolyn’s co-teacher. Now I go to work and don’t know where I will be. I guess I am not as flexible as I thought I was. I need to walk through the doors with no expectations…a clear mind!

I need to tell my heart to stop longing for something that is truly in the past.

It’s hard. I had the best job EVER!

Journal October 8, 2011

It was just me and Daniel tonight. Curtis is working at the farm and Amanda is at a birthday party. As Daniel played Legos, I decided to read to him. I picked a Joyce Meyer magazine. The article was called “Don’t Ever Quit”. The verse that she referenced had a word or two that I could relate to, “weary” and “season”

And let us not be weary in well doing; for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.” Galatians 6:9

Reap! That’s a word I know well. Theresa means “reaper”. Thank you God for the continued reminder that you know my heart and continue to work in it. When your hope is waning, God’s word remains true.

Amanda is staying at the party a little longer so I am taking the opportunity to drink hot cider and catch up on magazines. This one is from last December. It’s from CBN, Pat Robertson. (700 Club).

The article is a Christmas traditions written by Terry Meeuwsen. She writes:

“I am learning to trust God to speak to my children’s hearts. My job is to provide the opportunity – in season and out- for my family to celebrate Jesus. It is the Holy Spirit’s job to make it take hold in our hearts.”

OH MY GOSH! NO WAY! Her article ends with Galatians 6:9

Praise the Lord!

“Let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.”

On October 18, I wrote this.

Journal November 8, 2011

Lord, I need you. I am not liking this. I feel horrible for complaining. I should be happy that I have a job. Yet I don’t. I thought that I would adjust. But it’s been two months and I am still feeling like this.

Journal December 30, 2011
“Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7

Also on December 30th, I wrote this.

Journal Wednesday January 4, 2012

I have a fresh outlook on this year. I want to truly be the light in the lives of the Wee Care women. Less words. More love. Wherever you need me Lord, that is where I will go. I know my purpose is to live like Christ. You have created me to bring You glory. Some people spend their whole lives trying to figure out why they are here.

Journal Wednesday January 11, 2012

God has taken me on quite a journey since September. I was not having the heart I should have. I had a true “Jonah Heart”.  And at the right moment God shed light on that to help me REMEMBER His promises.

I have been “mourning” the “loss’ of my co-teacher, Carolyn. I don’t know how many people I have shared this with…quite a few I know.

I am or have not been trusting God. He has said, “this is where I want you to go” and I have turned and run away inside my heart. “I’ve gone to Tarshish.” After reflecting over my two week Christmas break (from Dec. 20 to January 3rd), god helped me remember my verses. (Matthew 11:28-30 and 1 Peter 5:7) He helped me remember my purpose. I am thankful and blessed that the Potter softened my heart and I didn’t sit out in the sun and sulk like Jonah.

“Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.” Proverbs 16:3

(I don't know why this is highlighted and can't for the life of me figure out how to remove it!)

Journal Wednesday January 11, 2012

“Delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4

I told my co-workers that this was the verse of the day. It is truly what got me through the day. I had said to the other teacher, "it was a really good day". She disagreed with a laugh. As I laid in bed this morning, reflecting on yesterday's events, I realized that it wasn't really a good day. There were many things that would have sent people over the deep end. There were a couple of explosions between the boys. (We had ten boys and two girls yesterday). But my heart was calm. I know it was because I clung to this truth.

Journal January 12, 2012

“The steps of the godly are directed by the LORD. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will not fall, for the LORD holds them by the hand.” Psalm 37:23-24

Journal  January 19, 2012

The Lord will work out his plan for my life ~ for your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever. Don’t abandon me, for you made me. Psalm 138:8

Journal  January 20, 2012

“And you yourself must be an example to them by doing good works of every kind. Let everything you do reflect the integrity and seriousness of your teaching.
Titus 2:7

(Trials and Temptations) Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. James 1:2-3 

Journal  Sunday January 22nd

Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1:6

(Ask, seek, knock) Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. Matthew 7:7-8

Living Hope – In the storm…
For we walk by faith, not by sight. 2 Corinthians 5:7

Journal  January 31, 2012

But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him”
Jeremiah 17:7-8

Journal  February 15, 2012

Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Take delight in the Lord and he will give you the desire’s of your heart. Commit your way to the LORd; trust in him and he will do this Psalm 37:3-5

Psalm 37:7 – Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;

Psalm 37:23-24 – The LORD makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him with his hand.

Journal Monday February 20, 2012

My heart is at home even though I can’t be there. Today is an all day conference…The last class was about career paths. I sat there thinking “I have no desire to have a career in day care. I just wanted to be home. I NEED to be home.”

Journal  Tuesday February 21, 2012

“I wait quietly before God for my victory comes from Him.” Thank you Lord!  “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”  1 John 4:18 

Exactly what I needed to hear in my struggles with my son.

Journal  February 28, 2012

Lord I can’t change my co-worker but I can ask you to change me. I can pray for her. Lord, help her with the critical spirit. Reveal to me what I can do. Help me to help her. Not for any hidden agenda. Only out of love. I don’t need praise from anyone but You, Lord.

Journal - March 13, 2012

Anything God’s Spirit reveals to you will always match up with what is in the Bible, because all Scripture was given by the Holy Spirit.

2 Timothy 3:16 “All scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness.”

Journal - March 14th, 2012

This one is too personal to put out here.But this is what I can tell you:

By the time I got to work I was almost wrecked. Obedience doesn’t always feel good. B. was on break. Just the person I needed to talk to. I talked. She listened. I cried. She hugged me. I did the same with R. Both of them said that God will bless me.

Journal March 17th, 2012

Today something happened that stirred my heart again. “Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.” WOW! Lord, is that the desire of my heart? It’s several months since I’ve even entertained that thought. Lord if this is the path that you want me to take then show me. I trust you with all of my heart. Revelation 3 talks about open doors! We are watching Facing the Giants right now. I am preparing my fields Lord for you to send the rain. “Your attitude will follow your beliefs”. 

Journal Sunday March 18th, 2012 (NVBC)

God is sovereign

Journal Wednesday March 21, 2012

Lord, my confidence does not lie in my situation. My confidence is in you. I am fearful because I don’t know all of the details. I am fearful because I am afraid of disappointing people. But that fear does not come from you. I know who I am.

I am:
  • The light of the world
  • The salt of the earth
  • A child of God
  • A bride of Christ
  • A joint-heir with Christ

I have the power of the Holy Spirit. I have been delivered from the domain of darkness and transferred to the kingdom of Christ. I am chosen of God, holy and dearly loved.

These words were part of today’s Girlfriends in God.

“I can be confident because of who I am in Christ. I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength.”

The title is Inferiority, Insecurity and Inadequacy. Then I go to Proverbs 31 and the opening line is:

I’ve always admired people who aren’t afraid to fail.

“The steps of Theresa re established by the Lord, and He delights in Theresa’s way. When Theresa falls, Theresa will not be hurled headlong, because the Lord is the One who holds Theresa’s hand.” Psalm 37:23-24

Failure produces wisdom when we ask for it and maturity when we learn from it.

I think God wants us to remember that following Him is not about avoiding failures and being perfect. It’s about accepting our weaknesses and becoming more dependent on His perfect love and power at work in us.

I prayed for a way. Someone ignited a spark. I didn’t seek this. God is simply answering a prayer that I had put aside.

Today’s verse:
But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit. Jeremiah 17:7-8

Journal  Sunday, March 25, 2012

“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” Hebrews 11:1

Before the melt-down (on the March 22nd), I was trying to figure out all of the details in my head and was basically just filled with all kinds of fear. The Holy Spirit finally said “Enough”. This is what you prayed for. When I woke on Wednesday I felt at total peace.

On Friday, March 23rd, I resigned from my position as Assistant Teacher. I have been there since September of 2008:

I have prayed many prayers for you and my co-workers over the last four years. However, in the fall, I prayed that if it was possible for God to move me physically, then let His will be done. God didn’t answer that prayer. But He did change my heart, and continues to change it.  I have seen Him at work over the last few months and it amazes me that such a time as this, God has answered the prayer that I put aside.

Therefore, not having a spirit of fear but of peace, I regretfully give my resignation.

I truly believe that as soon as I resolved to stay at W.C. for the next ten years, God answered that prayer. I had resolved to stay until Daniel graduated high school. It really didn’t seem to be any kind of burden. It just was. And I looked forward to June 1 and having the summer off. I looked ahead at September and hoped to work even less hours. But God’s plan is different for me. As scary as not knowing what the future looks like, I am trusting that this is where He wants me. 

This is not an announcement to  my co-workers, for most of them already know. (I found out yesterday). This is the written proof that it's God who has been taking me on this journey. He was not going to answer that prayer back when I had a heart of Jonah. I was miserable sitting under that leafy plant (Jonah 4:6-8). Once my heart changed and my attitude changed, He said yes to that prayer.

My last day will be April 13th. It will be a terribly sad one. But I  have faith in God. He will direct my steps.

As you can see, this is not a decision that I made on a whim. I am not spontaneous. I take a lot of time to really discern that the voice is God's. There are so many voices inside my head. His voice never steers me down a path that doesn't glorify His name.

So, I urge you to take the time and pray. Get to know God. Listen for His voice. It is not an immediate answer always. We live in an immediate world of electronics. God doesn't have a cell phone. He does not text. You can't IM the Great I AM. Take your time. Be patient. I promise you that His way is always the right way.

1 comment:

  1. What an amazing way to follow your journey!

    Will you get another job or stay at home for awhile?