I have been wrestling with some stuff over the last six weeks or so. I wrote this on Septemeber 30th. Yesterday as I was driving, I was praying and talking to the Lord. I know that this is something that I have to leave at His feet. When I feel that "released" feeling, I say "thank you". It's a "sweet release" because I can feel Him. But it creeps back up on me, the fear and the doubt. The lies Satan whispers always starts out with "It's your fault..." Blame! I know that I will have to die to these lies each day. I know that I have to believe God. God is who He says He is. And I am who He says I am.
Last night Amanda went to a birthday party so it was just me and D. (Curtis works at a farm for this month driving a tractor.) Daniel disappeared upstairs and I didn't see him for a while. I thought he was going to get toys. He has his room set up with Legos everywhere. It is his favorite (right now!) I asked him if he was coming down and he invited me up to hang. I brought a Joyce Meyer magazine to read out loud. (He has to read or have someone read to him for 120 minutes a week).
The article was called "Don't Ever Quit". The verse that Joyce Meyer referenced had a word or two that I could relate to, "weary" and "season".
"And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not." Galatians 6:9 (KJV)
REAP! That's another that God speaks right to me. That's my name meaning...The reaper or harvester.
I whispered, "Thank you, God, for the continued reminder that you know my heart and continue to work in it."
Joyce also said "When your hope is waning, God's Word remains true".
YES IT DOES!
After I put Daniel to bed, I decided to go through the magazine rack. We are not magazine people. What I mean by that is that we do not read magazines. BUT, we have a ton of them. Amanda has "Girls". Daniel has "Motor Cross" and "Boys Life" and I have "Joyce Meyer". I sorted the children's magazines and placed them back in the rack. I started going through the Joyce Meyer ones. There was a CBN (Pat Robertson) from last December that I started to read.
Then Amanda called. She was at a birthday party and wanted to sleep over. We had this conversation before I dropped her off. I told her that I was not allowing her to stay because I didn't know this family. Another time, perhaps. But now she was pleading with me. I stood firm and told her I was coming at 10. She asked for 10:30 and I told her I was falling asleep at 9! I would be there at 10:00. She was dejected as she was hanging up the phone. A few minutes later I called her back to say I would be there at 10:30. She was very excited as she hung up the phone.
I had my hot cider and my 700 Club magazine. The article was about Christmas traditions written by Terry Meeuwsen. She wrote:
"I am learning to trust God to speak to my children's hearts. My job is to provide the opportunity - in season and out - for my family to celebrate Jesus. It is the Holy Spirit's job to make it take hold in our hearts".
That was in response to her children complaining about a tradition she tried to start. But it is what stuck out in the article to me.
Then I gasped and said "Oh my gosh! No way!
Her article ends with Galatians 6:9
"And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart." (NKJV)
I just again whispered the words, "Praise You Lord". He is working in my heart but He is also working "on" my heart.
My sweet, dear friend and mentor sent me these words after she read the post on September 30th:
...the word that stands out to me is "released." God has released you from the Thursday night group, but when He does that it is because He has a new place for you to be. In the actually proximity of time it is with Daniel or Curtis, as far as the Bible study it is with the morning group. I don't find those changes come very easy sometimes, but you are an example of being willing to listen to the direction God is giving you. He is intentional and purposeful. There is a reason.
I don't know is she knows how her words from God (she will make sure that you and I know that that word came from God) have given me peace over the last week. I still feel those feelings, which are real but not of God. I pray and remember the word "released". He calms my inner storm. He is AWESOME!
Do you know my God?
Who are we--- that You would be mindful of us?
What do You see--- that's worth looking our way?
We are free--- in ways that we never should be.
Sweet RELEASE--- from the grip of these chains.