March 14, 2011
“truly wise person uses few words; a person with understanding is even – tempered”. Proverbs 17:27 NLT (Klove)
I went to bed feeling like a failure. It was such a nice day. How did it go from peace to screaming and crying? As I sit here at 5:20 am, I think how tired I am, tired of the constant challenging of my authority. Everything turns in to a debate or an argument. What am I doing wrong? Why am I not given the same respect that Daddy receives? Why am I not given the same respect that other adults receive? I want to be that “other adult”…the teacher, the friend’s parent, etc.
Sometimes I feel like my purpose around the house is to pour a drink or wash the clothes. Mommy can you?
I am frustrated. I feel that my home life is unsatisfactory. I look forward to going to work. I dread coming home. I’m not saying that I don’t love my family. I am just saying that I receive the respect that I am looking for from strangers. They are not “strangers”. They are my co-workers, my friends, my students. They treat me better than my own family.
What do I do? I hate the person that I am at home. I want to be that person that everyone else sees…the calm, gentle, peaceful one. The very thing that I hate (screaming and fighting) is what my home life has become, is the mommy that I have become. I just want it to stop.
Where do I turn to? I know the only One I can is God. The two verses are the encouragement for today. He knows my heart. He knows what needs to change.
“For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.” - 2 Peter 1:5-8 (bible gateway)
I just feel so defeated. Something has to change. Help me, Lord, Come Undone
Thank you for allowing me to wake for another morning on this earth to learn how to love You and others like You love me. Thank you for placing me in yesterday's bible study. Growing in Christ is exactly what I want to do. Change me, Lord. I know that it is going to be a hard process. I know that it is going to be a long process. But I also know that the entire process is for you to "UNDO" me and my sinful ways. Have Your way with me. Jesus, how do you want to live through me today? Remind me of those words throughout my "moments" and throughout my day. Give me a heart that reflects Jesus. In Your Precious Son's Name, AMEN.