Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Heartbreak




Why are tough decisions so tough?


Ms. S,

After much prayer and consideration, Amanda's father and I have decided that it is not in Amanda’s best interest to continue with the musical, effective immediately. We are greatly disappointed by this fact but seeing that her grades have suffered tremendously, we must make this difficult decision. We are truly sorry and are hopeful that it is still early enough to find an adequate replacement for her.

Regretfully yours,
Theresa



I received an email from the social studies teacher stating that Amanda has missed three homework assignments since January 25th.

The first marking period was like no other. I asked if the Home access center was available and they said no (at the team meeting). But there was no need. Well, I accessed it last night. Yes, it was not available for the first marking period. But it was however available last marking period. I did not know that.

Amanda missed approximately ten homework assignments in math and social studies. Science had several zeros as well. If she had done all of her homework, her math grade would have averaged out to be a seventy-two. I was livid!

I sent her upstairs and asked her to have a written explanation for me when I came up. Then I prayed. I went to my email and thought "there has to be something here that God wants me to know". This is what I found: Proverbs 31 Ministries...Just the Right Words:

"A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver."
Proverbs 25:11 (NIV)


The message was about encouraging words and we just don't know who we are lifting up with a kind word or note each day.

Then there was this prayer. Perfect!

Dear Lord, I need Your encouragement each day. Lead me to promises in Your Word that will strengthen me when I'm weary and build me up when I feel torn down. Help me see and believe what You see in me, and then share it with others. I pray You will give me just the right words at just the right time. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

I have cried. Amanda has cried. My love is just angry. Then I prayed. Why is it that I used the word "then". Why isn't it "I prayed". Because I didn't. I got angry and frustrated and cried, THEN I prayed.

I am angry that I didn't notice. I am angry that Amanda didn't complete her work and mostly I am angry that the teachers didn't contact us, or the guidance counselor to say "Hey, what the heck is going on?!"

We all failed. We failed each other. My heart breaks. I cry.

Then the words come to my mind...none of this is a surprise to God. One thing is always certain, God is Sovereign.

God is in control of all things and rules over all things. He has power and authority over nature, earthly kings, history, angels, and demons. Even Satan himself has to ask God’s permission before he can act (Psalm 103:19 The LORD has established his throne in heaven, and his kingdom rules over all. ).

I don't know what is going on with Amanda. She finally has said that it does have to do with Pop Pop dying. I want to believe her with my whole heart. She had a relationship with him that no one else had. She was with my parents for the first three and a half years of her life. They had her at eleven weeks, five days a week for nine hours. Who am I to say that she isn't grieving his death?

Anyway, that's where I am. Heartbroken and disappointed. A place that I know way too well.

Jesus is Lord. Jesus is Lord. Jesus is Lord. "Be still and know that I am God".

When your plate is overflowing, something has to give. Amanda has concert chorus, county chorus, musical, reading Olympics, yearbook, Breakaway (youth group) and Irish Dance. Did I forget anything? Oh yes...homework!

Because the musical is every day after school from 3 to 5 pm for the next month, it will have to go. There is no other solution at this point.

Please pray for Amanda that she will have understanding and that she can "reorient" her life and center it on God.

Please pray for my husband that he will be able to put his feeling aside and see this as an opportunity to continue building a strong father/daughter relationship.

Please pray for me that I will have the wisdom to accept what God has for me. That I will reach (click here) for God and know that nothing is a mistake.

Thank you, friends.

3 comments:

  1. My heart is heavy for you both, Theresa. I hate having to take away good things because of grades. We did it last fall, and it was painful but we got through it. ♥

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  2. I'll be praying for you, Amanda, and Curtis. Outside activities are great but one must weigh out what is really important. Like will this help my child in the future, or is it just for fun "now". As much as we would love for our children to have fun and enjoy being a kid, we too must see that the habits they form now as a youth/young adult most likely will be carried on into adulthood. We too saw this in one of our children and had to make the "very" hard decision in cutting out almost all outside activities. It wasn't a quick fix but a long process, that after lots of our attention and time paid off. I'm not sure there is any "right" answer other than Prayer and waiting for the Lord to help show you the answers....waiting always so hard! I'll be praying for the Lord to speak the perfect solution to you, and He will!

    My love is with you, and your aching heart!
    Laura

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  3. Rats. Double Rats. I hate when the teachers don't say anything to give you a heads up. We've had the same problem with lack of communication over lack of homework.

    Good for you for making the tough choice. It's never fun to deny what makes our kids happy, but man, sometimes they just need it!

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