Saturday, February 19, 2011

Four Months Ago

Click here and you will go to the Casting Crowns website. To listen to my current favorite "life song" you will need to click on the fourth song listed, which is To Know You.

I posted this on September 18th. I still feel like it is my life song. Is it my favorite? I have so many. I don't think I could commit to just one.


I feel awful. The family went to the Outdoor Show. I have tea and tissues and tears on the couch. I miss my daddy. What would I do different if he was here? What would I say? I think, the last four months have a word, sucky.

Four months ago I got baptized in the creek by my dear Sister-in-Christ, CW. Then the two of us baptized my sweet girl, Amanda. Then my life got harder!

The day before, I posted this song. I didn't post again until September 22, Love Never Fails. I've not talked about those days here. It was just too painful to even get it out.

Yesterday, I talked with a co-worker, who is more than just a co-worker. I relived those days as I cried. The pain is still so real. I look back and know that God was the reason I even functioned. But I didn't just function. I had faith that God was working out His plan for my life. I knew that Truth.

My world was shattering around me, but His joy was present in my heart, in the midst of the storm.

So my world crashed and then God restored my marriage. Beth Moore comes to mind again. She said "IF...THEN God!"

"Here I cry and Lord we pray. Our faces down. Our hands are raised".

I am listening to Casting Crowns and I've never heard this song. It's called "If We've Ever Needed You"

"If we ever needed you, Lord's it now. We are desperate for Your hand, reaching out".

Another dear friend lent me her ears, shoulder and arms yesterday before I left work as I cried. I told her that the last four months have been the worst ones of my life. Wouldn't change a thing.

We think that we have a plan and it's so wonderful and beautiful. Then God's plan happens for our life and ours just looks so dirty and disgusting. Not my words, but I love them.

Looking Back:
Marital Problems
Dad's Illness (followed by)
Dad's Death
Amanda's Disobedience and failure in school
Daniel sickness all week
My sickness all week as well (and still sick!)

Wow, can I really focus on all of the horrible things that happened in the last four months. Pity party alert.

Living, He loved me
Dying, He saved me
Buried, He carried my sins far away
Rising, He justified freely forever
One day He’s coming
Oh glorious day, oh glorious day

Thank you, Casting Crowns for reminding me of this! I feel better all ready.

Looking Back:
Marriage Counseling
Being with my Dad as he leaves this earth
Spending a lot of time with my brother and sister
Second Honeymoon
Opportunity after opportunity with Amanda
Daniel spent lots of quality time with Mom Mom
God allowed me to slow down and renew my spirit

How kind the LORD is! How good he is! So merciful, this God of ours! Psalm 116:5 NLT

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