Monday, December 27, 2010

What can I do? How can I help?

I feel like I am sitting at a green light. That's the only feeling that I can really put in to words. Dad's been gone sixteen days already.

We were at the mall yesterday. I kept thinking "Dad loved the mall".

I've been thinking about the last couple of weeks and how many people have given us their condolences. When people asked if we needed anything, I responded with "Yes. A stack of twenties". Then everyone laughed. It was my way of easing the tension of the awkward moment. Because honestly, what can anyone do?

Well let me tell you what I need.

I need someone to clean my house. Clean my bathrooms specifically. And most importantly clean my children. Actually, that's what I NEEDED. Now that I am on vacation, I can do all of those things myself. Providing meals is always something well needed. Two of my girlfriends fed us with soup and a turkey dinner. It was so appreciated.

OK, well you are saying that you can't do any of that stuff. One think that my brother and I both needed was someone to go to the post office for us. He needed a letter overnighted because it was going to be late. I checked the computer and by the grace of God, I had prepaid several bills to correspond with my love's check. The pay date was December 10th. Dad died on December 11th. I have paid nothing since.

So, if you could open mail and just check the "due date", that would be helpful.

I have had a stack of bills on my desk since the beginning of the month. Today I opened one and it was due on December 17th. Oh well, what can you do now but pay it late? Another one is due on January 3rd, which isn't a big deal to most but it is a large bill that I should have budgeted for. Oh well, what can I do?

Anyway, it was just something I was thinking about. If you have any suggestions or additions, I'd love to hear them. I know we all would.


  1. I kept wondering..when do we stop counting how long he's been gone? I think about him constantly too. We are here for each other and will get through it! He's at peace now and I hate the thoughts I have of how much pain he might have been in that last week. I keep hearing him asking to go to bed "please". I guess I continue to be somewhat numb and think it can't be true. Sometimes I like looking at pictures, other times, it hurts. I will work on paperwork and cleaning house today. Tomorrow, I will give blood. Then we will visit on Wednesday or Thursday..and laugh!! I love you sissy!

  2. When we had the kids and lost our son, the meals poured in. Friends of mine came and cleaned our house (very humbling). It was wonderful.

    After awhile, other than people holding and helping with the babies, the rest of the stuff went away. Sometimes I just wanted someone to acknowledge that even after two or three or five or six months, the grieving was still going on. Sometimes all I needed was a hug and a shoulder to cry on.

    I would bring a meal over and share a cup of tea with you if I lived closer. ((HUGS))