Saturday, October 10, 2009

Two Posts in One Day...NO WAY!

That's right. It's me again. My fisherman set the alarm for 5 am but got up before that and forgot to turn it off. So I finally got up at 6, realizing I wasn't going back to sleep. I am listening to KLove and enjoying the quiet while it lasts.

Last weekend (October 2-4) was the Women's Retreat at Sandy Cove. Jeannette was suppose to go but at the last minute, plans got changed and she wasn't able to make it. God knew that. He had her ticket reserved for a special co-worker of mine. I only knew this person casually, small talk. But after the weekend, we bonded. I know that Jeannette will go next time, if it is God's will. No worries, little sister. I love you!

Damaris Carbaugh was the speaker. I saw her perform two years ago and just loved her. Her pores ooze the love of Jesus. It is incredible. She is a great speaker.

Two years ago, it was all about Ray. I didn't make it that way. God did. My friend and I prayed all weekend for him. We shared his story with other women and they prayed with us.

I was wondering how this retreat would differ. And it did. It wasn't about Ray. It was about my relationship with my daughter. That's where my heart is. And the words that Damaris spoke...well God gave those to her, for me.

It's hard to tell you about the weekend. You just have to experience a retreat where over 400 women are there because they love the Lord. But I am going to try and condense it for you. (It may end up as another post if this gets too long).

Journal Entry October 8, 2009

I am an emotional wreck. But aren't I always? I am praying about Homeschooling again. Amanda's interim grades came today:

Health - B
English - C
Social Studies - D
Science - F
Math - F

She said, "See, I'm not failing everything". Help me love her God for who she is! We've been struggling for many years. Third grade was the 1st year on Adderall. She excelled. But that was the only year she did well. I am so torn up. Amanda is not failing. The system is failing her. She is a square peg that they are trying to fit into a round hole. Lord, take me back to Sandy Cove. Remind me of all that I've learned.


Even our sufferings should glorify the LORD. Am I suffering? I am agonizing over this decision. I am trying to figure it all out. But I'm not suffering like the moms who have kids with cancer.

I was made to make God look lovely. My purpose is to know Christ and make Him known. AND to love Christ and love each other.

Journal Entry October 3, 2009

Father God,
I want to thank you for one more day on this Earth to learn more about You. Thank you for my family and my wonderful husband who worked out final details for me to come. Thank you for the opportunity to spend time with so many unique women - all who have one common thread - the love of You.

Father, help me to trust You more, to let go of my controlling nature. Let me leave all my baggage in a true leap of faith. I want to know You more.

Soften my heart. Show me the compassion - let me understand it completely - what You did for me. So that I may guide my daughter. In Jesus name, AMEN.

I meant to look up a pasage about compassion but found one about fear. Romans 8:15

This is what I was really looking for: You must be compassionate, just as your Father is compassionate. Luke 6:36

Then I went to the Saturday session. "Thank Him for the situation." We discussed Ephesians 5:20. He is a patient God. Aren't you glad? Heck yes! I need to be patient too. Then Damaris said something that I had never heard said before, "God never stopped being God. He emptied himself and came down. He humbled himself and was obedient. He agonzied and prayed all night before he CHOSE Judas." He knew. He knew Judas would betray Him. But He still chose Him out of obedience.

"Jesus learned obedience by the things he sufferend: Sometimes we pray about how long we have to put up with something or SOMEONE. LOL. And God says "How long must I put up with YOU?" My grace is sufficient. (2 Corinthians 12:9) MY GRACE IS SUFFICIENT.

Jesus' suffering was for me so that I can be free and learn how to suffer like Him. That is, suffer yet still be joyful.

Then we talked about happiness. Happiness requires something to happen. Joy is really what we are looking for. Because we are going to have trials. We need to know how to have joy in our hearts while going through the situation. In order to do that, we have to 'die to self' daily. "Your cross is where you die daily to whatever you dream of". Then she said that if we thought our husband, children, job, etc was our cross, we were missing the point.

God wants us to pursue nothing but Him. He wants us to go down, humble ourselves and love people more. God wants us to BELIEVE more than anything.

"Remove the fear of surrending to You, Lord. Let me yield".

I'm going to stop with my retreat notes here. Session 3 can wait. Let me get back to Homeschooling. Amanda is suffering. She is the one, not me. I just hate to see her like this. Her two best friends are straight A students. One sits in front of the t.v. and does her homework. (And I am not criticizing this. I love her girlfriend!) Amanda sits in the kitchen in silence. I just want you to see that she isn't goofing off and failing. She really is trying.

So Homeschooling comes to my mind again. I lay in bed and try to figure out how that would work with my job. I change diapers at work and try to figure out the details. I lay next to a little boy and rub his back during nap and try to figure it all out. I am a control FREAK.

Can you pray for us? We meet on October 27th with the team of teachers. Thank you, friends.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Philippians 4:6


This is the verse of the day on BibleGateway I love how that happens!

Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end you will be wise. Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails.”-
Proverbs 19:20-21


  1. Started to pray for you and got the idea that anyone can rub a back and change a diaper, but only YOU can be her mom and help her.

    Take that with whatever weight you deem it should have. :-)

  2. Hoping for some's been going on too long. The system is failing her and someone needs to step up! What about somewhere like Kumon or Sylvan?

  3. Why must I pay for tutoring? Don't I pay enough in school taxes? We are in a very good district, with teachers that are paid well. Teach my child. That's what they get paid to do, right?